The beginning of self-employment

What can we know? We know what we see and what we're told. But what if you haven't seen your friend or family member for a while? What if, instead of sharing their daily experience with you, they chose to retreat or share only the positive side of life? Then the picture is incomplete. Yet we pass judgement based on our limited knowledge. You may not know that your friend or family member is really struggling - with unemployment, their health, their relationship, their children. We only know what we see and what we're told...

I've been following the series, Unemployment News, on Gawker for the last few months. It is, most typically, a bleak series of sadness and frustration. Of people who are struggling to find personal worth in paid employment. Of people who are not lazy but simply find themselves out of a job. There are so many people without work, who also feel without worth. I wonder, am I one of them?

Since our initial move to San Francisco in September 2010, I have not had full time employment. I was really awesome at my previous job, being an executive assistant for five years. For the two years we resided in the US, I was not "allowed to interrupt the flow of commerce." I happily resigned myself to copious amounts of TV watching and game playing for the first four months. That, and unpacking. And recovering from a stress-related illness. I found myself "retired" at 33 and that was strange. I tried offering my services in a volunteer capacity to several organizations, but it didn't work out. I focused my energies on baking and deriving my worth from the 'oohs' and 'ahhhs' from recipients. I maintained a small roster of Canadian coaching clients and loved coaching them. 

When we moved from San Francisco to Dallas, I was tasked with packing and unpacking, yet again. This kept me busy. I still had some Canadian coaching clients and being able to contribute to the goodwill generated in this world was lovely. I focused my efforts on writing a book of snarky haikus. I attended a writers' conference. I was going to make the best of being in Texas. 

And then life happens. A medical oversight. A potentially fatal mistake that nearly cost my husband his life, and most certainly altered his work relationships. So you focus on keeping your head above water. We returned to Canada and hoped that, after sufficient recovery, that the job market would embrace two highly intelligent, articulate and passionate people. 

Even though I haven't worked for a formal employer in over two years, I don't feel unemployed. I feel like I'm a beginner at being self-employed. It isn't easy, and I wish that friends and family were more supportive in concrete terms (if any of them were in my shoes, I wouldn't hesitate to help), but in the end, I haven't lost my optimism. I like to think hubby and I have figured out that a big salary and a big apartment aren't the be all, end all. We're living within our small means, and really trying hard to pursue our dreams. Will there be moments of exasperation and desperation? There already have been. Will there be regrets? Of course but I don't have a time machine. Being an optimist isn't about being a Pollyanna. It's a choice I make about my perspective on life. To take on each challenge from the perspective of, there is growth here and what is it? 

Yes, I live in optimism, but I also live in reality. There are many of us out there who wish we could express our worry, struggle, panic, sadness. And we don't. So here I am, expressing that I have my moments of worry, struggle, panic and sadness. And I know I'm not alone. Quite far from it. It is a scary world out there and meaning is what we make it to be. My optimism tells me that my meaning, my purpose in life, is to continue being me: silly, fun, spontaneous, creative, loving, kind, nurturing, surprising, awesome and that pretty soon, there will be people knocking on my door and emails in my box for people wanting to hire me as their coach, event speaker, workshop facilitator and Pampered Chef consultant. I won't always be a beginner at being self-employed. 

Candle in my window

Tonight, I've lit a candle in my window, to help those who were lost find their way to peace.

I'd like to believe in a loving place that greets us when we are no longer of this Earth. I'm not much for organized religion but I do believe that good people can organize and create positive change outside of any one faith.

I've cried today, thinking of the families that are cratered by senseless violence.  The 26 families made up of of mothers, fathers, aunt, uncles, sisters, brothers, grandparents and cousins and friends of those who were hunted down today in Connecticut. Or the families of the average 87 gun-related deaths that happen each day in the United States. Or the families of the 22 Chinese children that were stabbed today.

I would like to think that the "end of our existence as we know it," the ushering in of a new collective consciousness that is to be heralded by December 21, 2012, can actually take place. Maybe I am an overly optimistic hippy, maybe I'm in the wrong era. But I do believe we can all choose peace and love. The thing is, we have to give it to everyone we meet. I'm not saying I'm perfect, by any stretch, but what I am saying is that if we continue on this path of shaming and hating and destroying other people because they don't conform to our political or religious beliefs, we're not going to get very far.

I'm lighting a candle in my window tonight, and every night for the next week, as my desire for our troubled humanity to find its way to peace. I hope you'll join me. Maybe we can start a dialogue soon about what we're wanting to see from the world and each other. Tonight is for silence and reflection.

Kia America, You Broke My Heart

My husband and I, Canadian citizens, purchased our very first car, a 2012 Kia Soul, on October 31, 2011. We were living in Allen, Texas at the time, as my husband was on a work visa with a software company.

When we purchased our car from Southwest Mesquite Kia (Mesquite TX), we asked both the salesperson, Jerry, and the assistant manager of the dealership Kelsey, if we would be able to import the car into Canada. They assured me that it would be no problem. Since we only had 22 months left on my husband's work visa, the terms of financing were stiff. We were able to put down $10K on the car (which was meant to pay for hotel expenses my husband incurred during his work relocation) and paid $500 a month through a State Farm car loan (3.95% compared to the dealership offering us 16%).

Fast-forward to August 2012. My husband fell ill from medical negligence. We were not feeling welcome nor supported by his company and looking at returning to Canada. I investigated Transport Canada and the Registrar of Imported Vehicles website. As bad luck would have it, out of all the late model cars manufactured in the USA, only the 2012 and 2013 Kia vehicles were not allowed for import into Canada. If I had purchased a Toyota, a Ford, a Hyundai, or even a 2011 Kia Soul, I would have been fine. I'd still have to pay duty and make some small modifications, but I could live with that.

I contacted RIV and asked why the 2012 Kias were not on the list. I was directed to contact Kia America. I was spoken to by one of their higher up customer relations people. He could not tell me what the delay was or even a timeline. Right up until the week we were set to move, the 2012 Kia Soul we purchased was not allowed to be imported into Canada.

We sold our car on September 19, 2012, a car we paid $20,500 for, for $14,000 to CarMax, after less than a year. Kia America was absolutely useless in all of this. In addition to their complete lack of help and consideration, the dealership failed to tell me when I bought my car that even if I was able to import it, that the stellar 10 year warranty was with Kia America and I'd have to make arrangements with Kia Canada at additional costs if I wanted my car to be serviced on Canadian soil. When I asked about the warranty issue after I found out about not being able to import my car, the dealership's assistant manager said he had no idea that their warranty didn't cover Canada as well. A complete lack of communication and training from headquarters down to the dealerships.

Kia America and Southwest Mesquite KIA. You broke my heart. I still cringe when I see a Kia Soul on the car. I want so bad to get another one, but you treated me so poorly. You cost me $6,500. Why should I give you a chance again? It'd be really nice if Kia America or Kia Canada stepped up to the plate, apologized and maybe helped with a discount on a new Soul.

5 Things I've Learned From Facebook

April 21, 2007. That's the day I relented and joined Facebook. In these last 5 1/2 years, I've seen my friends mature personally and professionally, watched their children grow from ultrasound into tiny adults, celebrated birthdays, engagements, marriages, graduations, and offered support and condolences on the passing of their loved ones. This social network, this entity that binds us as a community, is amazing. I've also learned a lot about myself in the last five years. 

1. We are who we are, magnified

What we post on Facebook doesn't define us in our entirety, but it gives us a glimpse into a person's life and what is important to them. For some, they use Facebook to celebrate their children's milestones or their favourite sports team's accomplishments or to espouse their political ideology. Chances are, what you see on Facebook is what you'd get if you spent some time with these people in person. My posts are littered with what I've been baking and celebrating gratitude in the face of adversity. And yes, if you constantly post cat videos, chances are you really love cats. As someone who values depth in character and relationship, I really enjoy knowing people on that level. I feel like I see YOU and that brings me joy.  

What do your posts say about you?

2. All is not what it seems

Obviously, not everything you see on Facebook is a complete picture of someone's life. There are those who share every intimate detail of their lives on social media, down to the specifics of their pending divorces, bitter custody battles and dating disasters. Self-absorbed narcissists want all the attention all the time - there's a deeper psychological thing going on. For some, Twitter and Facebook is like having their own reality show and they're the star. But most people aren't like that. In fact, most people don't want to share their disappointments or failures with the world. I know I certainly don't advertise when I'm having a pity party in my pajamas - and we all have them. We only see what people want us to see. Frequent sad or whiny posts suggest that there are some deeper issues (and usually result in friends tuning out said statuses). On the flip side, I never quite trust people who use the word "perfect" with alarming frequency. Nothing and no one is perfect all of the time. There's always room for challenges and growth, even in our failures. And when you're feeling vulnerable and share your pains, we'll embrace you for the human that you are, just as we are also. If you are having regular pajama pity parties, invite some friends over for a pillow fight and bonk each other on the head until you're laughing and red in the face. 

Are your statuses creating an illusion or mirroring reality?

3. The definition of friendship

This was a tough one. I'm an optimist: I see everyone I meet as a potential friend and I regularly forget that not everyone is kind, loving and compassionate. I just assume everyone is (I live in a wonderful fantasy world, according to some!). There's a great adage, there are people who come into your life for a reason, season and a lifetime. Before Facebook, friendships naturally waned and we'd lose touch with our reason/season friends. Somehow, there's an artificial idea that adding someone to your Facebook means you have to be their friend forever. Not everyone is deserving of being in your life forever, and that's okay. 

We recently returned to Canada from living in Dallas for a year. Several Dallas "friends" didn't show any signs of concern or support when hubby was on 2 month medical leave- nor did they acknowledge our leaving Dallas despite numerous status updates, party invitations or texts. That was a defining moment, literally and figuratively: for me, a friend is someone who sincerely wishes you health, joy, happiness and success wherever you are. If they can't take a minute or two out of their day to do that, do you really want them in your life? The real gems are the kind that show up to help you move, surprise you on Christmas day, make you soup when you're sick, bake you your favourite treats or fly across the country just to see you off. From this day forward, I am only making room in my life for authentic friends - a high bar to set, but for me, friendship isn't about quantity, it's quality. 

How do you define friendship? 

4. The importance of acknowledgement and setting expectations

Whether you're a regular fixture on Facebook or an occasional voyeur, it means a lot to your friends when you acknowledge them. For me, I make regular use of the "like" button. It says, hey, I saw your post/photo/link and I'm cheering for you/agree with you/thinking of you. If someone regularly comments or "likes" things you post and you don't return that acknowledgement, even on a fractional basis, it can cause some hurt feelings. It's happened to me, as the giver and receiver of acknowledgement. The thing is, we're adults and we can talk about how this is impacting us. Some people place less value on maintaining relationships on Facebook because it is a virtual world, but the feelings involved are real. And friendships do take work to maintain, some less than others. Communicate your needs. And if the other person can't meet them, either accept them or move on. You know what your needs are, and it's more than reasonable to set those expectations. That being said, if Facebook is your only source of validation in life, you may want to get off the computer and make some in-person friends. All things in moderation, folks! 

Are you clear about your expectations in your relationships, online and off?

5. The world is a big and small place, simultaneously 

Moving from Vancouver to San Francisco to Dallas to Barrie, within a span of 25 months, was a whirlwind of packing, boxes, hotel rooms, unpacking and stress. And all the while, Facebook kept me connected to old and new friends near and far. Thanks to Facebook, I felt more connected to my distant friends and family and hooked into social groups in my new cities that made each transition easier. I use Facebook to connect with fellow coaches, writers and baking enthusiasts from around the world. I use it as a tool to enhance and share my joy and gratitude. What do you want more of, out of life? You can probably find it on Facebook - whether it be cat videos, spiritual quotes, silly jokes, or George Takei-inspired witticisms. There are millions of unique, awesome people in this social network. Your world is only as small as you want it to be. 

Where would you like to go from here?

I like to think I'm pretty true to life to my Facebook persona. Mostly upbeat, fairly food-focused, and driven to live a life full of passion and integrity. My life has been enriched by the positive and not-so-positive experiences I've had with friends and not-so-friends on Facebook. For that, I am grateful. 

Gratitude and Thanks

Canadians celebrated Thanksgiving this past Monday and this year has been especially filled with gratitude. I am thankful that a serious medical error was caught in time, which could have resulted in my husband having a stroke or heart attack if it had gone undetected much longer. I am thankful to be have returned to our stomping grounds of Southern Ontario (Barrie) after 20 years away and looking forward to reconnecting with many friends and family I haven't seen in a long time. I'm thankful for the amazing friendships that made each San Francisco and Dallas memorable places to live these past two years. I am thankful to finally feel like I'm home.

I firmly believe that we choose our thoughts. We're 10 months into 2012 and so much has happened this year already. We weren't planning to move again, the third long distance move in 24 months, nor were we planning to cash out my retirement fund and downsize to a small apartment while we figure out our next steps. Strangely enough, it feels right to us. We have enough cash to pay rent for six months, which is more than most folks, and we can ride out this minor storm. We could choose to be miserable and whiny and shake our fists at our lives, but we're choosing to embrace the opportunities that come with starting over.

What I'm excited about, looking into the unknown: we are both pursuing our dreams. My husband, a software engineer in the games industry, has ate, slept and dreamed games since early childhood and now he can wake up and work on his own game. How lucky is he? So many people resign themselves to a life without passion because it's too hard. It is hard, but if you want it bad enough, you'll find a way. Three years ago, he was inspired to remake Ultima 4 in flash, all by himself, and thousands of people played his online version. It was the best time he'd ever had, and every day was filled with passion as the pieces of his vision came together. I'm looking forward to what he creates this go-round!

As for me, I'm thrilled to be back in Canada. Being retired at 33 wasn't all it was cracked up to be, not being able to work in the USA without a work visa. Today, I signed up to Pampered Chef,  to become a sales consultant for a great company that sells kitchen wares and tools. I've been a devotee for the last five years of PC products, and I see myself happy selling it. One of the visions I have for myself is bringing families together back in the kitchen and around the dining room table. We're so disconnected from each other and community can start at home. I've met so many people these past two years that don't feel comfortable in the kitchen and would like to learn how to be better in it. Being a PC consultant means I can teach some great, healthy, cheap simple recipes, meet new people and incorporate my stand up comedy in my cooking demonstrations. I know it is one of the puzzle pieces for me, of where I am going.

I'm excited to jump back into the coaching community in a big way. I'll be assisting at several upcoming CTI courses in Toronto over the winter, meeting enthusiastic new coaches. And I couldn't be happier that I feel like I'm getting my groove back - to want to be writing comedy and my funny little haikus for a future book.

Every night for the past 10 months, hubby and I write 5 things we are thankful for. Some days have been harder than others, but there are always little things that bring us joy. Like a good cup of tea. Or a phone call from a friend. These past three weeks that we've been home, we've been the happiest we've been in years. And I choose to live the space of abundance and gratitude, for the opportunity to start over, healthier, in love and following our passions.

~ with love,
Jean

The Home in your Heart

It would seem that the adage "home is where your heart is" has been around forever. It means different things to each of us: a welcome homecoming to the place where you grew up and have fond memories (and always feels like home, despite how many years you've been away), a feeling of contentment wherever you are in the world as long as you are with the ones you love, or maybe it's that feeling you get when you're sitting in your favourite chair enjoying your solitude.

But what about that moment when you've had that "aha!" moment and things just seem to all make sense - and your heart just feels... perfect... it sighs because it is home. I read an article this week by Claudia Escareño-Clark who wrote about her experience in choosing to pursue her postgraduate studies at Southwestern College in New Mexico. Claudia talks about her struggle and rationalization of tuition, time commitment and then there was... resonance. This past May, a good friend of mine and world renowned psychologist/art therapist/instructor/author in the field of PhotoTherapy, Judy Weiser, gave a talk on PhotoTherapy at the college, and something clicked for Claudia. I understood what I had been waiting for. She says, quite perfectly: I think it’s easy for most of us, at least for me, to assume that because something isn’t right at the time it must not be right at all.

I know that so well. I so desperately wanted the answers to "life" when I completed my undergrad. I applied to 2 grad school programs and was rejected and I took the LSATs because an aptitude test said I'd be a good lawyer. Couldn't someone tell me who I was supposed to be, where I would fit in? It would be four years before I found what felt like home: the first weekend at The Coaches Training Institute's Fundamentals class. I met people who were like me: people who lived to encourage, champion, delight, support, and to challenge people's self-limiting beliefs. I felt like I was truly, for the first time, myself. My heart felt like it was home. I probably wasn't terribly gentle with myself in finding my life's path - I kept trying to force pieces of the puzzle together that just weren't ready. But the moment we are truly honest about our life's passions and are ready to step into receiving it fully, the universe will unfold for us.

Claudia says, Sometimes if we are willing to wait it out just a bit longer all of the pieces come together like some cosmic puzzle. 

Ain't that the truth.

2012 Kia Soul Snafu

Having always lived in cities and successfully navigated our whole adult lives with public transit, hubby and I had little choice but to purchase a car when we moved to Dallas, TX last fall from San Francisco via Vancouver. We bought a 2012 Kia Soul+, having driven it prior as a rental and enjoyed it. Because we are Canadians, our financing options were limited to the remainder left on our work visa (22 months) to pay off the entirety of the $20,500. We were very clear with the dealership and the sales people that we would eventually be returning to Canada and does this meet the requirements for import. They said, sure, because the 2012 Soul was even safer than the previous year's model. But it turns out that isn't the truth... Currently no 2012 Kia of any model is acceptable for import into Canada.   2011s are, provided safety modifications are made. Our dealership also neglected to mention our warranty would not be valid in Canada. 

I've loved my Soul, and have put 11,000 miles on my baby. In preparation for a visit home, I have discovered that Transport Canada does not allow 2012 Kias of any kind manufactured in USA entry into Canada. In fact, if someone attempts to cross the border, the car will be impounded. I've now spoken with Kia's customer service people three separate times and no one seems to have any real answers. They say Transport Canada has to request the paperwork on a case by case basis (which I find unlikely, since every model pre-2012 is on the list for acceptable import). Transport Canada says Kia has to submit their car specifications in order to determine if it meets Canadian Safety Standards. 

So I'm getting the run around. I've made a request for a letter from Kia that I can submit to Transport Canada for the case-by-case appeal, but I would like to take it one step further and EECB their executive to ask why the 2012 and 2013 models are not on the acceptable list (Toyotas, Fords, Mazdas are), and also why did their sales people not inform us that our amazing 10 year warranty would not be valid in Canada or that it was not on the list of cars to import.

I would not have bought a Kia if I knew this would be the headache I'd have to endure. We made it clear to the dealer we were Canadian and planning to take the car back eventually... 

Please help, I'd like to get the email addresses of their Exec so I can "provide valuable feedback" and I promise not to use profanity. I'd like to be able to import my car, when the time comes, and have a valid warranty in Canada. What will it take to make this happen, Kia? Help me, and you'll have a loyal fan for life.