The update on my homework: I didn't do it. No, the dog didn't eat it. I made a statement the other day about how I would make a collage of my inner jerk being trapped so that I could use that as a touchstone/reminder that I am in control of my life, not the inner jerk/critic/gremlin. I did not do said collage. Was it a lack of commitment or enthusiasm around this particular task? Could be. Could be that when I set my hands to anything in the crafting realm, I feel my work could be bested by someone who is between the ages of 6-8 and creatively inclined. That's definitely my inner jerk speaking, but I am somewhat craft challenged and I'm okay with that label.
I could make excuses or rationalize that I had other things to do - don't we all? - but in reality, I knew that when I wrote it (and denied it internally) that it was more of a wish than an actual driving desire to do this. And that's okay. When you have that realization that something you wish was important to you isn't, that's an opportunity to explore what is important. It isn't about excusing yourself for not doing things, it is about exploring the passion or lack thereof behind the avoidance.
I can't help but go back to the importance of Resonance and Thrilling in the CTI's model of SMART goals. Specific, Measurable, Accountable, Resonant and Thrilling. Was this homework SMART? Did I have resonance and did it push me outside my box? Is there a way to salvage this homework or is it now somehow unimportant? When my clients report that they haven't "done their homework," we go deeper into their feelings about the homework, the act of "doing" and the essence of "being." Deep stuff, I know.
I know what works for me are deadlines. Clearly defined dates. It's one thing for me to say I'd like to perform more comedy, but did you notice that in my APP (annual passion plan), I didn't set dates? That's how I am slippery... hehe. But the only person that is really affected is me. Soooooooo, I'm going to set a date, that by the end of March 2012, I will do at least one open mic night in the Dallas area. (That thrills me because now I'm scared witless! and there's major resonance because I miss being that funny girl on stage.)
Y'all will know whether I did it or not, because I'll post updates on how my comedy writing is going (maybe I could talk about the inner jerk, because we all know that those are funny), and when I do get back onstage, I'll upload the video for all y'all.
To sum up, don't create a goal for yourself that you don't love or have any energy/resonance around. Be honest with yourself and find something that really speaks to you. Create an accountability system for yourself (be it coloured stickers on a calendar, notations in a diary, updates on Facebook). Acknowledge your feelings before, during and after. Celebrate you!!
I'm sure glad to get that off my chest. See, I'm a work in progress, too.
P.S. Here's a great article a friend of mine wrote about the magic of collaboration. You don't have to go it alone.